The eccentric shinobi
by ToxicManipulator
Summary: What if Naruto's genius surpassed that of both Orochimaru and his father? Watch how he turns into a powerful yet enigmatic shinobi of the leaf while being even more laid back and lazy than Kakashi himself. For those that enjoy humor fics. Not crack.


Naruto: Shinobi of Convenience.

Chapter 1

By ToxicManipulator

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The sky was colored a dark ominous crimson, with huge bolts of lightning barely being heard underneath the force of the monstrous winds. The ground shook in a combination of the earthquake caused by the being of power bearing down upon Konoha and the hordes of civilians running to shelters. Screams and shouts of horror and pain filled the sky.

Yep, definitely a wonderful day to die, Namikaze Minato thought sarcastically as he eyed the red beacon of power in the distance, that could only be the Kyuubi no Kitsune. His day had started out fine enough. He'd woken to the embrace of the love of his life, Uzumaki Kushina. He then had an amazing breakfast with said love of his life, and his progeny, Namikaze Naruto.

His lips twitched slightly as he thought of his eccentric son. He certainly hadn't expected his oldest child to turn out the way he did. Only five years old, and already he was following in his old man's footsteps by joining the shinobi academy. His speech and diction was equal to that of most genin and some chuunin. Truly his son was meant for greatness!

The blonde Hokage rubbed his tearing eyes. He chuckled bitterly as he thought of what people would think if they saw him now. The great Namikaze Minato crying like a sniffling child. Then again, he had a reason for said action. He and Kushina did after all just see get Naruto crushed by the debris of a crumbling building. Though the debris hadn't been lifted yet, he fully doubted a five year old boy would have survived the crushing force of several tons of wood and concrete.

He must be a terrible father, he mused bitterly. First Naruto, and now he was going to seal away a mountain sized demon into his newly born daughter. The thought of her growing up in a village where everyone would hate her for the demon sealed within her brought a heavy weight to his heart. But despite his fears, he knew it had to be done. It was either this, or countless hundred thousands of people dying under the Kyuubi's wrath.

Time passed quickly for the blonde Hokage. Hours became minutes, and minutes became seconds. Before he knew it he stood defiantly before the engine of destruction known as the Kyuubi no Kitsune. He literally stared death, the Shinigami himself, into the face as he sacrificed his own soul to seal away the nine tailed demon.

Then without further ado, he bid the world a farewell, looking once more upon his crying little girl that he held. The light slowly faded away and everything grew blurry.

And then, there was darkness.

---------

The sound of a crying infant and a woman comforting the infant could be heard as Sarutobi Hiruzen entered his old, now new office with a grim look on his face. He wearily sat down behind his desk and gazed sadly at the distraught woman that sat in front of his desk.

"Kushina.." he murmured softly then turned and looked at the determined visage of his successor carved into the Hokage mountain. It felt like only yesterday that he gleefully handed his hat and paperwork to that cheeky blonde whippersnapper. The look on Minato's face when he saw the mounds of paperwork was priceless, he thought smiling nostalgically. He shook his head to clear it when the red haired woman seemed to have spoken.

"Sorry, could you repeat that Kushina-chan? Seem to be losing my hearing in my old age."

Kushina smile slightly. Hiruzen's antics always brought a smile to her face.

"I'm leaving" she said suddenly.

The old wizened hokage's eyes widened. "Kushina! You don't seriously-"

"No." she interrupted him. He looked at Kushina again, and sighed sadly, reading her thoughts perfectly from looking at her body posture.

"Minato would have wanted her to grow up here in Konoha..." he trailed off, hoping she would reconsider.

The redhead rolled her eyes and shook her head. "I doubt he would have wanted his.. our, daughter to grow up with hatred and animosity being an everyday part of her life. You saw how the villagers reacted! They were calling for her blood! I refuse to let any harm come to my daughter!" she growled, a dangerous glint in her eyes.

Hiruzen sighed, and nodded his head once. "Promise me at least that you'll bring her to become a genin of Konoha should both she and you wish for her to join the Shinobi life."

Kushina smiled a beautiful, yet strained smile. It had been rough on her and many many others. "Thank you Ojii-san."

The old Hokage returned the smile, and shifted in his chair, filling his pipe and lighting it, smirking when Kushina glared at him. "When do you leave? And where will you go?"

The redhead grinned mischievously. "Nowhere that you or anyone will find us. You wont find us until it's time for Natsumi to become a genin.. provided she wants to become a Kunoichi." She shifted the infant in her arms and held her closer. "As for when we leave? Right now. I don't want to risk a daring villager or shinobi assassinating my child. With Naruto and Minato gone, she's all I have left now."

Hiruzen nodded and accepted the hug Kushina gave him as she left his office, and by proxy Konoha. Not to be seen for many many years to come.

_Eight hours later_

"Hokage-sama! Hokage-sama!" Hiruzen groggily got up from his arms where he had fallen asleep working on paperwork all night long. His eyes were baggy and dark from lack of sleep.

"Doctor Kuzama? What's wrong, how can I help you?"

The flustered young woman took several seconds to catch her breath, before standing straight and smiling brightly at the old man. "The recently deceased Namikaze Naruto's heart is beating again, Hokage-sama. We've spent the last hour trying to bring him back from death's door. He'll live, no doubt, but he will be in a coma for several days at our estimate.

Hiruzen's eyes widened slightly before his face broke out into a large grin. "That's great news! I've got to.. tell... Kushina..." his face paled a pasty white as he trailed off.

"Oh shit." He mumbled, a cold chill running down his spine, not noticing the young woman leaving his office.

"Oh shit is right, sensei. Kushina's gonna kick your ass when she finds out." A familiar voice spoke up from one corner in the office.

"No need to state the obvious, Jiraiya-kun. But this certainly is an interesting turn of events, don't you agree Tsu-chan?" A silky voice piped up from the window.

A buxom blonde rolled her eyes. "How many times have I told you not to call me that, Oro-baka?"

"About three-thousand two-hundred and fifty times." The first voice piped up entirely too cheerfully.

"...Shut up, Ero-baka"

Hiruzen sighed and rubbed his temples. Ignoring the scene of Jiraiya crying silently in a corner muttering things about 'Tsu-chan hating him', while Orochimaru patted his back consolingly.

Tsunade sighed softly. "We're not going to find her, are we sensei?"

Hiruzen grimaced, and nodded. "When that woman wants to remain hidden, she will remain so until she reveals herself. Of that, I have no doubt. Still, I'll have to send out some nin to track her down as soon as I have someone available to do so."

An obnoxious cough interruped the old man. "Have you forgotten about me?! The great toad sage of Mt. Myobokuzan?! The almighty Jiraiya!? I'll find her no problem sensei!"

Hiruzen smiled thankfully. "I can only hope you succeed, Jiraiya-kun."

Jiraiya grinned, his teeth sparkling. "I'll find her no problem!"

_Several months later_

"I couldn't find her anywhere!"

Jiraiya the toad sage cried chibi tears as he downed bottle after bottle of sake with Tsunade, Orochimaru and Hiruzen.

"There, there, Jiraiya-kun. I'm sure things will turn out okay." Orochimaru said patting Jiraiya's back.

The pale looking male took a sip of sake from his tea cup. While not his favorite drink, sake was also appealing to the Snake master. Though he preferred drinking tea; the reason he carried a sealed full tea set everywhere with him. His lips twitched, now if only he could get little Anko-chan to participate in tea ceremony with him and not run away. Honestly! There was no good tea company these days. Whenever he so much as mentioned the word tea, people ran away from him in hordes. He still had yet to thank Minato enough for introducing him to the wondrous world of exotic tea's. Now that he thought about it, he believed he still hadn't thanked Minato enough for letting him experiment on war prisoners and criminals for his immortality jutsu and other interesting little projects.

He'd have to thank Minato if he ever died, he thought, nodding sagely to himself. In the mean time he'd have plenty of subjects to experime- torture as his position granted by Minato. Being the new head of the torturing division had its perks. Maybe he'd introduce his adoptive daughter, little Anko-chan into the wondrous world of torture some day! Maybe do that as a birthday gift? She was turning the same age as Minato's son soon. Hmmm... That book on parenting said something about children needing friends... Perhaps he should introduce little Anko-chan to Naruto?

Orochimaru was brought out of his musings when his sensei brought up the subject of his current thoughts.

"Naruto told me he wants to live on his own." The old man said, running a hand through his greying hair.

Tsunade's eyes widened in surprize. "That can't be healthy, sensei. He's closing himself off after having lost both his parents. Did you tell him no?"

Hiruzen shook his head. "No. Naruto brought up some very valid points. As such, I'm putting him in his own apartment on a trial basis. The boy certainly is intelligent enough, I'll give you that."

He then shivered. "...Scarily intelligent.. He beat Nara Shikaku in a game of chess AND go when the man volunteered to baby sit him for a while!"

Hiruzen's former students all gaped at that statement. They were all victims of Nara's strategy skills. The man had remained undefeated for a long time. Not they or even their sensei could defeat him in go or chess. But for a mere CHILD to defeat him? Scaaary.

"Surely you jest? He be but a mere child-eth!" Jiraiya shouted boisterously.

Hiruzen rolled his eyes at Jiraiya's byplay. Whenever the man got drunk with Tsunade he seemed to stubbornly believe that she found him speaking like that with that horrible accent would attract her to him. Sometimes he thought the man's perverted books influenced him more than the actual research.

"No. I'm dead serious. He BEAT Nara Shikaku at his own games. I couldn't sleep that night, fearing the end of the world had come."

His three student's nodded sagely.

"So what points did Naruto bring up for you to let him live on his own?" Tsunade asked curiously, raising an eyebrow.

Sarutobi chuckled nervously, and shifted on his chair. "He kind of found several loop holes in Konoha shinobi law allowing him to do as such."

Jiraiya and Tsunade goggled incredulously at him while Orochimaru rose a delicate eye brow.

"Wait, wait, wait. You mean to tell me that a five year old boy actually read through and understood an oversized book this thick" he held his index finger and thumb seven inches apart, "And found LOOPHOLES in said oversized book?"

At Hiruzen's nod, Jiraiya grinned impishly. "Heheheh. Looks like I got a new prodigy in the making to teach! Just like his old man!"

Sarutobi winced. "Actually, now that you mention it. Naruto also has some conditions out of me in return for me getting those trial basis conditions out of him."

Orochimaru's lips twitched slightly. He was starting to like that kid if what he heard about him was true. "And what conditions might that be, sensei?" The snake master asked silkily.

"He asked to not be treated specially just because of who his father is. Which means, no apprenticeships Jiraiya. Unless you convince him, somehow. Though i doubt you'll succeed much. He's as stubborn as both his parents combined."

Jiraiya groaned. "Annoying gaki... I'll work my magic and he'll BEG me to teach him! Heh. You'll see!"

Tsunade rolled her eyes at Jiraiya, and turned to Hiruzen. "So how's the little brat doing in the academy anyway? I figure it would be hard for someone who entered so early into the academy?"

Hiruzen smiled proudly. "Actually, he's doing well. Very, very well in fact. The academy staff have moved him up to the final year's class along with that Uchiha prodigy, little Itachi-kun. Apparently they both are skilled enough to take on genin as they are."

Orochimaru whistled appreciatively. "You don't find a prodigy of that skill at least once every half a century. But two at the same age? Astonishing!"

The old hokage nodded proudly. "It should be interesting to see what kind of shinobi those two turn out to be in the years to come."

He stood up shakily. "Now if you brats will excuse me... I need to get some sleep. I'm not as young as I used to be."

The remaining three teammates sat drinking until late in the night, wondering what the future would hold.

---------

RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING-

CRUNCH

Nogasu Itachi yawned as he lazily got out of bed. His eyes flashed the signature red of sharingan for a moment before fading back to black. Idly, as he disposed of his now broken alarm clock, he wondered whether or not he was still a bit too paranoid thanks to his days spent in ANBU. Slowly but surely the paranoia faded, but there would always remain a certain amount of caution ingrained within his mind.

Perhaps it was the wariness created by the possibility of one Uchiha trying to get revenge on him for his 'betrayal'. Then again, with Uchiha Madara it was hard to predict his thoughts and plans. His eccentricity was to blame for that. Don't get Itachi wrong, he thought Madara was a genius. A crazy genius that seemed to enjoy talking to trees when he thought nobody was looking.

Indeed, Itachi thought sagely. Refusing to take part in Madara's plans was probably the best and worst choice he had ever made in his life. On one side, he didn't have to join the Akatsuki, a rogue organization of desperate criminals. He also didn't have to kill his family as instructed by Madara. That was all good. On the other side, the shit hit the fan though when Madara got pissed and slaughtered most of the Uchiha clan thanks to Itachi's refusal. It didn't help matters at all with the fact that Uchiha Itachi had disowned himself from the Uchiha clan and changed his last name before said event. His mother and brother still tried daily to get him to come back to the clan.

In hindsight, including Namikaze Naruto into his life was the greatest thing to happen to him in his life. Before he met Naruto he had thought that his clan's duties came first and foremost. Personal misgivings came last. It took becoming Naruto's best friend for all of those perceptions to completely change. The blonde boy, also a prodigy of the highest degree, much like himself, was a very easy going person. Despite the hardships he had suffered throughout his life, he always seemed happy enough to take the time to watch the stars or even the sunset or sunrise. He was just that kind of person. Nothing ever brought him down for too long. He simply took strength, from Kami knows where, and got back up again time and time again.

Both he and Naruto had ended up on the same team after graduating the shinobi academy. They had both become chunin two years later, and finally inducted into the ANBU a year after that. At age 12 they both became ANBU Captains for their own respective squads. And at age 16 both retired from ANBU corps and became 'retired-jounin'.

What few people knew was that the term 'retired jounin' literally translated to Ninja on standby. It meant that they were called only when missions came up that required their expertise. The two friends spent the rest of their time running a shop that they both opened. They had decided to call it 'Namikaze-Nogasu Shouten'. A very, very general and unique shop. They sold items ranging from shinobi books, to cook books, to shinobi weaponry and even candy. They sold extremely hard to find goods. Coincidentally, the shop was big enough to serve as their home also. With the bottom floor being the shop, and the second, third and fourth floors being their home. They even had a basement where they kept their increasing collection of alcohol from around the world.

Itachi let out another yawn as he continued his trek to the kitchen. Why in Kami's name did they put the Kitchen on the top floor? Hmm... They must've been intoxicated at the time.

He walked into the kitchen and froze. Naruto was already up.

That wasn't strange.

Him cooking food with a pink apron was a bit out of the norm.

The switched on radio playing a song aimed at the more feminine audience didn't help any.

It was Naruto singing along with the radio in a really high pitched voice that took the icing on the cake.

"...Good morning, Naruto-kun."

The blonde stopped swaying his hips to the music for a moment to turn away from the stove and smile at Itachi. "Why good morning, Itachi-kun! I trust you slept well? Pancake? Omelette?"

The raven haired teen's eyebrow twitched. "I slept fine, thank you. And pancake's would be fine."

Naruto nodded cheerfully and got back to cooking.

Itachi tilted his head curiously, ignoring the blonde boy's shaking rear. "What's with the apron?" He neglected to mention its color.

The blonde grinned at Itachi as he put a plate of pancakes in front of him. "Why it's a present from Anko-chan! She's so nice! She even told me it brings out the color in my eyes! Do you think I should wear pink more often?"

The raven haired boy stared blankly at his friend. "Questions of masculinity aside, why would you want to copy me? I'm usually the one that wears pink in public."

Naruto tilted his head curiously. "But why should you be the only one the wear pink, Itachi-kun? I had no idea you monopolized the color."

Itachi sniffed mock haughtily. "Because, unlike you, I make pink look good on men." He then scratched his chin thoughtfully. "Must be from mom's side of the family." He shook his head. "I always thought Fugaku looked more like a common civilian than a so called 'noble' Uchiha."

The blonde pouted, and Itachi resisted the urge to pinch his cheeks and call him cute as his mother had done when he had invited the blonde along for dinner.

"Fine, fine. No need to be so mean about it, Itachi-kun. Besides..." He trailed off, a mischief grin forming on his face. "The ladies just love me in orange so much more than pink!" He cheered, waving two fans with the words 'Orange' printed on them.

Itachi nodded, a serious look on his face. He wouldn't be the first to admit the blonde looked good in orange. Idly he tried to ignore the question in the back of his mind of where his blonde friend kept so many fans with different words written on them.

"So what's on our schedule for today, Itachi-kun?" Naruto asked jovially, as he near emptied the bottle of syrup on his pancakes. The blonde was as much a sugar junky as Itachi was.

The raven haired boy took a sip of the freshly made strawberry smoothie Naruto had placed on the table. "Well... We're receiving that shipment of herbs from kusa today. It's friday, so Orochimaru-san might come around bumming us for tea again, much like any other friday."

Itachi let out a content and happy sigh as he finished the strawberry smoothy. Naruto's always tasted better than his own, for whatever reason. And every time he tried to con Naruto into telling him how he did it, the blonde's answer always remained the same. 'Plenty of love and effort!'. Though Itachi didn't buy that for a second. Personally, he thought the blonde had some kind of secret ingredient that he jealously guarded. That, or he was secretly into that occult stuff most jashinists were into; he once thought he saw Naruto dragging a body into the basement .. or was that a dream?.. Damn booze induced visions.. Then again, the blonde had let him watch with his own two eyes as he made the smoothy right in front of him. The results remained the same. Even with sharingan on, he couldn't find anything different.

The raven haired boy shook his head to clear his thoughts. "It's 'that' time of the month again, so we can expect quite a few shinobi coming to restock on tools and weapons. Hmm... Anko might show up later. She mentioned something yesterday about asking you something. And.. That's about it."

The blonde spiky haired teen hummed and nodded thoughtfully. "Hey, Itachi-kun? Is it just me, or has Tsunade-san been looking a bit stressed out lately whenever you see her?" Tsunade had been made the Godaime Hokage several years ago, although Sarutobi Hiruzen still helped her with the duties on occasion.

Itachi blinked. Now that he thought about it, Tsunade HAD been a bit more tense lately whenever he saw her, whether from the few mission reports he and Naruto handed in, or when they saw her in public. "You think something is going on?"

Naruto nodded and pulled the rim of his bucket hat over his eyes, and waved his fan in front of his face, grinning slyly. "Hmhmhmhm... Perhaps, I'll have to have my 'eyes' take a look into things. Just might be something of interest! Don't you agree, Itachi-kun?"

The raven haired boy nodded thoughtfully. By 'eyes', the blonde was referring to his little spy network. Though he scoffed every time that Naruto called it 'little'. Naruto never seemed to be out of the loop. Always knowing when something big, or small, was going to happen. He stretched and stood up. "I guess we had better get the started and open up shop, ne Naruto-kun?"

The blonde's lips twitched amusedly. He stood up all the while still waving his fan in front of his face, and stopped in front of Itachi. He leaned close to Itachi, ignoring his flustered state and brushed his lips to his ear as he whispered. "You might want to change out of your strawberry Pajama's then, Itachi-kun." He stepped back smirking slyly at Itachi's scarlet flushed face. "I'll see you downstairs! Ja ne!"

Itachi glared at the blonde, still slightly flustered. "I thought Anko had a talk with you about invading other people's personal privacy without consent, Naruto-kun?"

Naruto looked mock hurt at his friend. "Wah? Me? Invade your privacy?! I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about Itachi-kun! Besides, it's fun getting you all hot and bothered with little actions like that! Maybe I should tell Kurenai-san about how sensitive you are to people breathing into your ear?"

The raven haired boy's eyes widened in horror. "No, that's fine! No need to trouble yourself! I'll tell her on my own some day!"

The blonde smirked slyly. "If you say so... You might want to hurry up and make your move on Kurenai-san though. That Asuma guy seems to be eyeing her as well, Itachi-kun. Heaven knows, he's so much older than her."

Naruto turned his back to Itachi as he gracefully left the kitchen. He lifted his right hand, holding an open fan into the air and waved. "Toodles!"

----------

"Wait Anko! Stop running, will you? It's not going anywhere!"

Mitarashi Anko pouted childishly as she slowed down enough for her friend to catch up. "Hurry up, will ya, Nai-chan? You're walking slower than Fugu-obasan. And she lost both her legs in that fire!"

Yuhi Kurenai rolled her eyes at her purple haired friend. Anko was a veritable master at the shunsin and its short range counterpart shunpo. Her unusual talent and skill at those two techniques have granted her the title goddess of flash in the bingo books. Much like her nickname, Anko was a very impatient person when not in combat.

"We're almost there anyways. Why are you so eager to get there?"

Anko blinked, and tilted her slightly. "You didn't know? There's a sale on shinobi gear today. Which means, tai-, nin- and gen-jutsu scrolls with techniques. Now consider the fact that our resident Genjutsu master, Itachi, runs the shop with Naruto?"

Kurenai's eyes widened slightly, and soon took on a glazed look as she pictured all the new genjutsu scrolls she could find there. She snapped out of her thoughts and grabbed Anko's arm and pulled her along. "What are we waiting for? Lets go, lets go! Come on!"

The purple haired girl laughed as Kurenai reversed their roles and started tugging her instead.

_Several minutes later_

"That'll be two-hundred ryuu please! Thank you, and come again, ninja-san!" Naruto said cheerfully to his customer. Today seemed a bit more busy than most fridays, the blonde mused. Might have something to do with the sale. One weakness all shinobi shared was the subconscious desire to find bargains on equipment. It was similar to stealing documents or objects from missions, only they stole in the aspect that they saved money.

"I'll have these packs of shuriken and kunai, please." The only reaction Naruto gave to the newcomers voice was the widening of his smile.

"Ebisu-san! My favorite customer!" He said in his usual sunny disposition. Ebisu wasn't really his favorite customer. He usually reserved the title 'favorite customer' to people he disliked and enjoyed overcharging at ridiculous prices. It made matters even more entertaining with the fact that the equipment he and Itachi sold were the best quality in the village. So he abused the pricing when it suited him. In this case, Anko had told him of one pervert who had spied on the female hot springs while she was in said hot springs. Ebisu being the pervert.

"One pack of shuriken and one pack of kunais! That'll be seven-hundred Ryuu please!"

Behind his dark glasses, Ebisu's eyes widened as he gaped. "What?! That's ridiculous! You charged that other guy two-hundred Ryuu for exactly the same merchandise!"

The blonde pulled the rim of his bucket hat over his eyes and lazily waved his fan in front of his face. "Aaah! Correct you are Ebisu-san! Those kunai and shuriken that ninja-san bought were priced at two-hundred Ryuu! But what you are holding, my dear, dear friend, are kunai and shuriken made from very rare metals straight from the depths of Iwagakure's Capital city! They hold twice as long as the standard equipment you get from other blacksmiths!"

It was a lie of course, but how could Ebisu know any better? The man was as gullible as they came. Thinking the rank 'tokubetsu-jounin' actually meant something in the real world.

Ebisu smiled at the blonde, believing his words. How could someone as friendly and cheerful as Namikaze Naruto want to deceive someone? The idea was laughable! "Alright. Here you go, seven-hundred Ryuu. Thank you for your.." Here he leaned closer and spoke softer, as if trying to keep a secret, " 'special' equipment, Naruto-san. I'll be sure to buy those special kunai and shuriken if you have them in stock again. "

Naruto pasted on a happy smile and bid Ebisu farewell. He waited a full minute before he allowed his control to slip. "Hah! Fufufufufufufu!"

SMACK

"Itai!"

The blonde nursed the bump given to him, courtesy of one Mitarashi Anko. He immediately brightened up when he realized who hit him. "Anko-chan! How pleasant to see you again! It's been ages! Do you know how much I've missed you? You look like a new person!"

The purple haired woman grinned at her blonde friend's antics. "You saw me yesterday, Naru-kun. And I let my hair down today since I've been growing it. What do you think?" She did the customary full body twirl showing off her long purple locks that hung to her lower back.

Naruto gave a wolf-whistle and winked teasingly. "Beautiful, Anko-chan! Long hair really suits you well!"

Anko smiled greatfully at the blonde, and absently slapped away his hand that was slowly inching closer to touch her hair. "So what's with the weird laugh I heard coming from you?"

The blonde's lips twitched slyly, hidden behind his small paper fan. "Aaah. That was just me doing my little 'evil laugh' after successfully scamming that perv you told me about!"

The purple haired girl playfully rolled her eyes. "That laugh sounds obnoxious. Really, I'm sure you could do better if you put your mind to it."

Naruto nodded, taking her words seriously. He vowed to work on his creepy/evil laugh. Perhaps he should pay Orochimaru a visit? Goodness knows, the man's technique was powerful enough to creep out even Ibiki, one of the top three interrogators in Konoha.

He was brought out of his thoughts when Anko propped herself on his counter and helped herself to his cup of coffee. He pouted. She always did that. Now he'd have to get another cup... Though, he'd be damned if he admitted he didn't like her company. He thought the flirty and cheeky young woman made very interesting company.

He pulled out a packet of cookies and joined Anko. She helped herself to the biscuits. "Chocolate?" She asked. At his nod, she grinned and gave him a teasing, sloppy wet kiss on the cheek and helped herself to some biscuits. His only reaction was an amused chuckle.

It sure payed having imports in goods from all over the elemental nations. Not only did he get to live in luxury, he made quite a bundle of money. And that's excluding those he disliked and over charged. He was brought out of his thoughts when Anko nudged him.

"Hey Naru-kun?"

"Hmm?" The blonde turned to face his violet haired friend.

Anko's sight was set on her female friend, Kurenai whom was busy talking excitedly to Itachi. "Do you think Itachi might have a crush on Nai-chan?"

Naruto blinked, amused at Anko's question. "I don't think, I know. But how on earth did you come to that conclusion, Anko-chan?"

The purple haired woman pointed at Itachi with a sly grin. "Look"

The blonde turned and smirked at what he saw. Kurenai was busy discussing something with Itachi. Probably something genjutsu related, he guessed. What really caught his eye and amused him to no end though, was how Itachi would glare at Asuma from behind his stylishly pink tinted glasses when the man wasn't looking. Somewhere along the line he had included himself to the conversation, throwing in a little something here and there.

Naruto nearly cracked up when he caught Asuma glaring heatedly back at Itachi. He wondered how long it would take before Itachi snapped and put the man into a horrible illusion.

"Say Naru-kun?"

"Hmm?"

Anko stuck out her lower lip in a pout at the blonde. "Could you maybe please do me a big favor?"

The blonde smiled at Anko, though inwardly he was already suspicious. "Perhaps. What kind of favor did you have in mind, Anko-chan?"

The violet haired girl swung her legs playfully in the air from where she sat. She gave her friend the 'innocent' look. Though it looked innocent at first, Naruto wasn't fooled. He could see clear as day she was hiding something.

Anko chuckled sheepishly. "I kinda forgot to get Tou-san a birthday present." she gave the blonde a measuring look, "You know of course how whiny he gets when one forgets a present for him."

Indeed Naruto did know. He knew quite a few suckers unfortunate enough to have forgotten a gift at least once for Orochimaru whenever he held his birthday parties. Being one of the Sannin, the man was obliged to host a party for the nobles of Konoha to attend. Of course, much like Jiraiya, the man simply didn't care that much for the nobility. The reason he shared the trait with Jiraiya of inviting near every acquaintance he knew. Hell, the guy even once invited some hobo he made small talk with in the street, much to the nobility's ire.

What made his birthday's annoying was the fact that the man would incorrectly assume that, should you for some reason NOT give him a present, then surely you must not consider him worthy enough. In which case he would force you to sit with other unfortunate suckers and have tea with him for hours on end. Should you try to escape this, he would abuse his position as head of torture and interrogation, and send squads of ANBU out to hunt you down. Truly a horrible fate.. although Naruto didn't really seem to mind. Chatting about mundane topics for hours on end was a great way to pass time when not busy, the blonde thought sagely. Drinking free tea to boot was a great bonus.

Naruto nodded slightly, grin firm in place and lazily waved his fan in front of his face. "Indeed! And knowing you, this favor involves me finding a gift for you? Hmm?"

At Anko's sheepish look the blonde knew he hit the nail on its head. He chuckled. "Alright. I suppose I COULD help you out Anko-chan.. but... what do I get out of this?"

The violet haired girl glared mockingly at him for a moment before her expression changed to a sultry look. "Well... I'm sure I can think of something..." she whispered softly, gently caressing his cheek, lust clearly visible in her eyes.

The blonde's eyes widened in mock surprize. "Why Anko-chan, let's not get carried away! I'm a married man!"

Anko gaped incredulously at the blonde for a moment before she burst out into laughter. The blonde grinned wryly, waiting patiently for her to finish laughing. When her laughter came to an end he lazily tugged on his bucket hat. "Quite done laughing?"

The response he got was an amused snort. "Geeze, Naru-kun, I thought you'd have tried to bury those memories by now. Aren't you even at least a tiny bit embarrassed by what happened?"

The blonde smirked as thought back to when he got 'married'.

Both he and Itachi had just gotten back from a suicidal SS-rank mission, all body parts intact, and had decided to celebrate the only way they knew how. That is, getting piss drunk and shit faced. Sometime during their celebration the two were so far lost in their drunken stupor, that when the (stupid)idea of getting married came up, they immediately went to find the nearest person with the authority to marry them. In this case, that person was an equally drunk Tsunade.

Of course, by Konoha law, they had to stay married for a full two months before being allowed to get divorced. A fact that both abused whenever they could for that time. From scoring free gifts for being 'happily married'(which they sold for booze money), to taking off for 'paternity leave' several times in the two months whenever special request missions came up. The most amusing situation of course, was that dinner at Itachi's family that he was invited along with.

_Flashback_

Itachi stared solemnly and meaningfully into the beautiful eyes of his mother, Uchiha Mikoto. "Mother...", he said, using all of his willpower not to grin. "I've found the love of my life, and decided to settle down." He said, unshed tears visible in his eyes, a serene smile on his face.

Mikoto smiled a warm motherly smile, her eyes tearing up at the big news. They grow up so fast! Her baby boy was already getting married! "I'm so happy for you, Itachi-kun! Isn't this great, Sasu-chan?"

Sasuke nodded and smiled brightly at his older brother. "Yeah! Does this mean you're becoming an Uchiha again and we will see you more from now on, Aniki?"

Mikoto shushed Sasuke, causing him to sulk. She turned back to Itachi and smiled at beautifully at him. "So.. who is the lovely lady?"

Itachi shot her a strange look. "Lady? Oh.. um, right. Mother... I'd like you to meet the love of my life... Naruto-chan."

Here he gently took Naruto's hand from the table and squeezed it 'lovingly'. Naruto smiled charmingly at Mikoto, seemingly taking no note of her pale state. "I'm so glad Itachi-koi finally brought me to meet you! I don't suppose I can call you.." he looked at her with tear filled eyes, his lip quivering. "Mommy?"

THUMP

"Mom! Mom! Are you okay!?" Sasuke shouted over Naruto and Itachi's laughter.

_Flashback end._

Naruto grinned crookedly at the memory. "Gee, I don't know. I like to think that small events like that build character."

Anko gaped at him. "Small? Small he calls it!" She threw out her arms in a wide gesture. "You two morons were featured in _Kunoichi Monthly _as 'cutest couple of the year', and actually received a prize for your idiotic stunt!!"

The blonde sighed dreamily as he patted his stomach, mumbling something about 'good times'. "Yeaaaah.. That definitely was the greatest free all expenses paid honey moon ever! Did I ever tell you about how exquisite the food served by restaurants in the Capital of Fire is?"

The violet haired girl glared jealously at him. "Yeah, only about every time the gang goes out for dinner." her glare intensified, "Kurenai still hasn't forgiven you for getting us banned from that one restaurant for when you insulted the chef's cooking."

Naruto huffed haughtily. "Not my fault his cooking doesn't compare to Fire Capital standard."

"Whatever" Anko let out a sigh. "We are getting off topic. Can you help me out with a gift for Tou-san or not?"

The cerulean eyed youth chuckled, waving his fan lazily. "You have yet to make an appealing offer, Anko-chan."

The violet haired girl grumbled irately, glaring weakly at him. "Fine, fine. Greedy bastard." She sighed, resignedly. "I'll wear whatever lingerie you want me to in the changing room at Isane's clothing store, and let you watch. Only ten pieces though, without stockings of course."

Naruto rose an eyebrow challengingly. "Thirty, seeing as his birthday is later today."

Anko smirked mockingly at him. "Sorry to burst your bubble, but his birthday party is the day after tomorrow at afternoon. Fifteen pieces."

The blonde smiled disarmingly. "Only two days huh? That's quite a small time frame you've given me... twenty five pieces."

Anko smiled a teasing smile. "Not too small that you can't handle. I know you can cook something up, Naru-kun. Fifteen pieces and I'll allow stockings on as many of that number as you'd like."

Naruto's eyes glazed as he pictured Anko in all sorts of revealing garments. He started drooling oh so slightly. "We have a deal, Anko-chan! You wont be disappointed!"

The violet haired girl grinned foxily. "Great!" She chirruped. "See that you do! If you surprise me, I might give you a little something 'extra'." She winked for emphasis.

The blonde's eyebrows rose into his hairline. "And what exactly does this something extra involve.. Anko-chan?"

Anko teasingly pecked his cheek. "Just use your imagination, handsome." She winked at Naruto and walked away, swaying her hips sensually.

Naruto grinned from behind his fan, eyes fixed firmly on Anko's behind. "Just like Akane and Kaito's scene in chapter four of Icha Icha paradise- volume six." he mumbled in a daze.

His eyes scanned the store and he realized Anko had left just as Kurenai had gone. Itachi seemed to be busy stroking his ego by beating that Asuma guy in an arm wrestling contest. Honestly! Why even bother? The big lump still lived with his father, being too damn lazy to get his own apartment after having returned to Konoha recently.

"Itachi-kun!"

With but a blur of pink and blue later, Itachi appeared in front of him. He adjusted his glasses with his middle finger. "You called?"

Naruto smirked, his eyes glinting. "Close up shop! We are going on a little trip!"

Itachi blinked, honestly surprized. "Are you sure that's wise, Naruto-kun? We took a trip several times already this month. I think Tsunade is starting to get pissed at us. I mean.. She's still pretty upset over that whole taking off for 'paternal leave' stunt we pulled back then."

The blonde shrugged. "Ehh. She's probably still pissed.. yes. Buuuut, I'm sure we can alleviate her anger at us by getting her a souvenir!" He announced cheerily.

"How about a crate of Suna's finest?"

Itachi snorted. "We already gave her that when we blew up training ground eleven with that unstable seal of yours."

The blonde blinked, surprized that he didn't recall that until just now. "Oh yeah.. Wow, she sure was pissed that time.. Hmm.. How about a crate of fine whiskey from Iwa?"

The raven haired teen tapped his chin thoughtfully. "Already did that too, remember? We even got thrown into Ibiki's cells for a week for disturbing the peace. Tsunade-sama is so mean."

Naruto winced, recalling that particular painful memory. "Eh.. The hazy memory is becoming clear to me now... I'm never mixing western alcohol and sake in large amounts again."

The raven haired teen nodded solemnly. "How about Kusa shooters?", he suggested.

The blonde shook his head sadly. "Nope. She's got good alcohol tolerance, but she got real pissed when she woke up next to Jiraiya-san the next day."

Itachi winced at that particularly painful memory. Icha icha paradise's newest release was set back by a WHOLE month after that little incident! Truly a tragedy! Both he and Naruto had cried themselves to sleep for a week after they had first found out.

Naruto shrugged. "I'm sure we will find her something."

The raven haired teen nodded absently as he went about closing shop. "So where exactly are we going?"

The blond grinned lazily, waving his fan. "I've got an.. acquaintance, in Tanzaku Gai. We'll make a stop at Otafuku Gai first though."

Itachi rose an eyebrow, now more interested. "Otafuku Gai? That's about twelve kilometers from here. Not far compared to Tanzaku Gai.. What exactly do you need to get there? It's more reknown for its brothels than its rare trade commodities, if I recall correctly."

The blonde grinned disarmingly at his friend. "Oh, just this and that. Lets just say, what I seek can prove to be a great boon." he answered evasively.

Itachi sighed exasperatedly at his friend. Did he always have to be so damn cryptic?

-----=

"Thank you for your patronage, Namikaze-san!"

Naruto returned the smile to the balding old shopkeeper. "No, no! Thank YOU, Meikou-san! I'm surprized you were able to finish my custom order so quickly." He said, patting his newly bought cane lovingly.

He tapped the floor with his cane, and with a tip of his bucket hat to the shopkeep, he left with a parting goodbye.

The blonde stepped out into a crowded street in one the less seedy areas of Otafuku Gai. He scanned the area and saw Itachi being harassed by horny young women looking for a quicky. Perhaps he should have advised Itachi from leaning against corners? Meh. Too late to worry about it now.

As he approached Itachi, he watched, amused, as the small group of aroused women walked away from him looking depressed. The blonde rose an eyebrow enquiringly at his friend.

The raven haired boy merely shrugged and held out the transparent box to his friend. "Just a bunch of annoying house wives looking for entertainment.. Strawberry?" he offered.

The blonde smiled thankfully at his Strawberry obsessed friend, and helped himself. Must be something in his blood, he mused. He knew little Sasu-chan, Itachi's younger brother, was addicted to tomatoes like a junky on crack. Itachi probably got his sweet tooth from his mother, Uchiha Mikoto, or Mikoto-hime as he'd taken to calling her, whom had an addiction to cherries.

He giggled pervertedly, thinking of the beautiful older woman in all sorts of sexy poses with revealing garments. Her smooth and creamy soft pale skin.. The silken ebony haired locks.. Her adorably cute chocolate brown eyes.. Those invitingly kissable pouty red lips.. How she'd squeak innocently whenever he surprised her with a bear hug when he visited with Itachi. Her endearingly cute blushes whenever he helped her with chores, like washing dishes after dinner.. The things he'd do to her...

SMACK

"Itai!" he looked questioningly at Itachi whom had hit him, chibi tears running down his face.

"Stop fantasizing about my mother, Naruto-kun. It's... creepy."

Naruto huffed and glared at his friend. "I am NOT fantasizing about your mother, Itachi-kun! Frankly, I'm insulted! Actually, I'm insulted that I feel insulted over that fact that you just insulted my virtue!"

Itachi looked deadpan at the blonde. "Picturing her in lingerie?"

The blonde let out a perverted giggle, his eyes glazing. "Yeah..."

SMACK

"Itai!"

Itachi massaged his aching temples. Why was his best friend a bigger pervert than him? They should have never read those orange covered books of Jiraiya when they ordered them amongst other books. Then again, neither of them regretted having read Icha icha. "Please... Would it kill you not to fantasize about my OWN MOTHER while I'm in your direct vicinity?"

The blonde nodded, trying to hide his pout and not to make his sulk as prominent. He brightened up when he realized Itachi said not to do it in front of HIM. Which meant, he could still do it whenever Itachi wasn't around. His trademark foxlike grin returned to his face, effectively creeping out Itachi whom was staring pointedly at him.

"Anyways! I'm just about done with my business here in Otafuku Gai. We head for Tanzaku Gai tomorrow morning."

The raven haired teen nodded lazily and popped another fresh strawberry into his mouth. "We've already got a hotel room paid for, so we don't need to worry about that. How about dinner? I don't really feel like cooking anything, even though it's my turn tonight."

Naruto shrugged. "We can go out to eat something I suppose. Though, most of these restaurants, if you can call them that.. their food sucks compared to our own."

Itachi grunted in agreement, and stretched his back, stepping away from the corner he'd been leaning against.

He walked a stopped in front of Naruto, looking over his shoulder in no particular direciton. He spoke, not moving any parts of his body other than his mouth. "We can put our amazingly good culinary skills to use some other time. We almost never have junk food as a result of our fine cuisine. We'd best not spoil ourselves with our great eats, lest we lose our talented skills in the culinary arts."

The blonde nodded unmoving, staring over Itachi's shoulder, only extending the energy required to flap his jaws to speak. "Yes, indeed. We don't want to lose our appreciation for our remarkably elite culinary skills. If not for the terrible cuisine we force ourselves to swallow, we wouldn't be able to wine and dine on the fine cuisine we create."

Itachi nodded slightly. "Indeed."

The blonde returned the gesture. "Quite."

The raven haired boy nodded. "But of course."

Naruto returned the nod again. "Most-"

The blonde was cut off as someone ran into him and knocked him over. He blinked. While not harmed himself, he was quite worried about whom had run into him. He looked down onto his chest where he saw a young blue eyed, red headed girl dressed in orange that seemed slightly disoriented.

"Oww..." The young girl moaned.

"Are you alright, little girl? You should been looking where you were running." he gently chided.

The young redhead seemed to have come out of her stupor as she glared at the blonde teen. "Hey! I'm not little! I just still need to have a growth spurt, okay?!"

The blonde grinned, not able to stop himself, and let out an amused laugh.

The cerulean eyed girl glared even harder at him, if possible, and punched his arm. "Shut up! What's so damn funny?!"

Naruto smirked, sharing an amused look with Itachi and got up, helping the girl up with him. "Nothing, little girl. I apologize, I didn't mean to offend you about your height. Now.. could you perhaps tell us why you were in such a hurry that you didn't notice me in your path as you ran?"

The orange clad girl's eyes widened, suddenly remembering the reason she had been running in the first place, and cursed. "Crap! I've got to get outta here fast!"

She then turned and ran away, or tried to atleast. The blonde teen gently held her into the air by the scruff of her jacket. She looked desperately at him. "Let go of me! I need to get out of here now! Before-!"

"Aha! There you are! I've been looking all over for you bra-.. daughter."

Naruto and Itachi turned as one to face the voice that had spoken, either not noticing or ignoring the young girl's now pale state.

The man, if Itachi could call him that, was dressed very sloppily. He wore a worn out black leather jacket that had stains of what appeared to be spilled food and alcohol on it. On his head was a black top hat of very cheap quality. He probably wore it, thinking it would make him look wealthy.

He rose an eyebrow. "Is there a problem, sir?"

The man let out a harsh laugh. "No, nothing wrong! Just trying to get the bra- my daughter to come back home with me. She's been very rebellious with me lately, but, what can a father do?"

Itachi blinked and shrugged. "Oh. Okay."

Naruto set the frightened girl down onto her feet, and placed his hand comfortingly on her shoulder. "Is that so?", he asked calmly.

The large muscle bound man nodded, eyeing the young girl like a prize. The blonde teen smiled disarmingly at him. "Alright. You can have her back..", he trailed off, not noticing the terrified look that entered the young girl's eyes, "IF you tell me her real name. As her father, surely you would know her name.. no?"

The redhead's eyes shot to him, looking surprized, and slightly relieved.

Naruto calmly regarded the tall muscle bound figure, whom seemed to be coming to a decision. The man nodded, a smirk gracing his features. "Sure.. Her name's Akino. Now give her here."

The young girl's eyes widened panicked. "Wait it's n-", she was interrupted by the larger man. "Not now, Akino, we'll talk later lets go." He said grabbing her arm.

The blonde teen's eyes narrowed. "Hey mister? Let go of her arm."

With a snarl, the much taller and stronger looking male glared at the blonde. "And why should I? She's my daughter. I can do whatever I like with her!"

Naruto closed his eyes calmly, letting the shadows of his bucket hat cover his eyes. "I see.. So that's how it is."

The larger male smirked, thinking he had won and then froze. Suddenly, without warning, it felt like the life was being squeezed out of him. He felt an unreal killer intent. Like that of a demon just rearing to rip his eternal soul to tiny shreds and ready to make him feel pain unlike anything he had ever felt before.

He broke out into a nervous sweat as he stealthily searched for the source of the unreal killing intent, not finding it in his immediate surroundings. His eyes finally settled on two icy cold orbs that made him feel like he was looking into the depths of hell itself. This boy was not an ordinary person. He held the eyes of a person that had killed hundreds. No, thousands! Millions even!! To him, he was but a mere fly to be stepped on.

Then, without warning, the unreal killer intent disappeared the same time he tugged his bucket hat over his eyes. The man let out the breath he felt he'd been holding for minutes and stumbled backwards falling on to his behind, staring fearfully at the man in front of him. He could have been killed, and yet he was spared. Why?

His fear filled eyes widened in understanding. It was a warning. Suddenly, without warning, he jumped to his feet and ran like the dogs of hell were after him.

The redhead looked on awed that such a huge strong guy would actually run away in fear from someone. She heard a gentle laugh interrupt her thoughts. "Wooow! I didn't know I was THAT scary, eh Itachi-kun? Maybe I should start wearing pink. Hm?"

Itachi rolled his eyes, amused at Naruto's byplay. "Perhaps. But I'll resent the fact that you'd steal my genius idea."

The blonde chuckled. "He wears a pink shirt every day of his life and thinks he can monopolize the color? Tch." He placed his hand from the young girl's shoulder, onto her head and patted her playfully. "You okay, kid?"

The young girl grinned hesitantly. "Uh.. Y-yeah I'm f-fine."

Naruto nodded understandingly. "So, what's up with that guy?"

The young girl let out a shudder. "I got separated from my mom in the heavy crowds of the middle of the city. Some time later, that guy walked up to me and threatened me to go somewhere with him.. So I just ran, and now here I am."

The blonde nodded. "I see. Why don't you join us for dinner? We were about to find somewhere to eat anyway. We'll help you find your mother afterwards. How does that sound?"

The young girl, though slightly suspicious of the blonde, nodded and agreed. He did just save her after all. Maybe she could trust him. "Can I have ramen?", she asked hopefully.

Itachi let out a chuckle, amused at the girl's choice of food, while Naruto smirked.

"Sure, why not? Lets go."

The young girl beamed at the two shop keepers.

"Alright! Free ramen, Yeah!!"

–---

"Alright, and would you like anything to drink with that?" A petite brown haired waitress ask a raven haired boy.

"Hmm... What kinds of sake do you have?" Itachi asked the young woman.

"Hey, hey! You can't order sake with children on the table, Itachi-kun. You need to set an example!" The blonde wearing a bucket hat whined.

Itachi sighed, and told the young waitress he wouldn't have anything to drink. She then left, having taken everyone's order.

The raven haired boy glared pointedly at his best friend.

"I can't believe you did that.", he grumbled. "Eating junk food without sake is pure blasphemy!"

The blonde nodded. "And I couldn't agree with you any more."

Naruto then pulled out a scroll from nowhere, channeled chakra into one of the characters drawn on the scroll, and with a puff, a bottle of warm sake appeared in his hand. He handed one to Itachi and summoned another one for himself, and two cups to drink the sake out of.

Itachi felt his left eyebrow twitch as he stared at the newly revealed Sake. "..I thought you said it was a bad example to order sake with children around?"

The blonde teen grinned foxily. "Why yes, yes I did! Mikoto-hime taught us that lesson remember?"

The raven haired boy's twitching eyebrow continued writhing uncontrollably. "...And yet.. despite that lesson, you have sake here on the table.", he deadpanned.

Naruto smirked. "True. But that's the beauty of it. Mikoto-hime said no ORDERING sake in front of children. I brought my own!" Here he burst into laughter, satisfied with his own genius, having figured out that loophole. "Hahaha! I'm a genius!!"

The redheaded girl stared oddly at the blonde, not believing this was the same person that had scared off someone three times his height, and many times stronger than him in terms of muscle mass. She turned to the only sane, or so she thought, one of the two teenagers. "Is he always like that?", she asked.

Itachi rose an eyebrow at the young girl. "Eccentric and enigmatic you mean? Yep.", he then took a large gulp of sake straight from the bottle, and let out a satisfied giggle.

Naruto noticed and beamed at him. "You likey, Itachi-kun? I've been wanting to drink these two bottles for a while now."

The raven haired boy, let out a happy sigh. His cheeks now a red flush. "Yeaah. This is the best sake I've ever had! Whose feet did you kiss for sake this good?"

The blonde grinned, and leaned forward as if about it let out a secret of great proportions. Itachi and the young girl leaned forward, eager to hear the 'secret'. Naruto giggled idiotically. "Get this, get this... I..." Itachi and the girl leaned even closer. "Stole it from the daimyo of fire country!"

The orange clad girl gaped and then hissed at him. "What?! You s-stole from the D-daimyo? Are you crazy?!"

Itachi let out a sagely chuckle. "Calm down, girly-san. Everyone knows stolen sake tastes best."

Naruto nodded stupidly, his eyes closed. "Yup, yup."

The girl's eyebrow twitched and she glared at the raven haired boy. "Hey! Don't call me girly-san, you baka!"

Itachi blinked, slightly dazed. "Oh. That's right. We still don't know your name, girly-chan."

At the redhead's glare, Itachi lifted his hands defensively. "What? I didn't call you girly-san, did I?"

The young girl huffed and pulled her nose up into the air. "My name is Uzumaki Natsumi, stupid! Not girly-san, or -chan, or whatever."

Naruto perked up. "Reeeeally? I think I heard that name somewhere before."

Natsumi turned to look at Naruto, interested in where he had heard her name.

The blonde seemed to be doing complex mathematical equations from what they heard him mumbling under his breath, until he started mumbling more coherent things. "Uzumaki? Nono.. Uzuuuu-.. Uzukage? Whirlpool shadow? Hmm... Carry the four, divided by pie.. Wait, wait.. Whirlpool? Uzu?! "

He blinked, suddenly understanding entering his eyes. "Aha! Now I know where I heard that name!"

Natsumi nodded eagerly. "Yeah? Where?"

Naruto grinned confidently. "Weeeell... There's a character in my favorite book, Icha icha Island- Volume two, called Uzu Makino-chan. So that's why it's so familiar!"

The readhead girl gave him a deadpan look, while Itachi's face screwed up in concentration, when suddenly a figurative light bulb went off in his head. "Oh yeah! I remember Makino-chan now! She's my favorite character in Icha Icha island too!" Itachi's eyes gained a glazed look as he let his thoughts wander in the world of that which was Icha Icha.

Natsumi frowned. "What exactly is 'Icha Icha Island'?", she asked innocently. Naruto's eyes widened in surprise, as he let out a choking cough, slightly surprised.

"Um.. You'll find out when you're older, Natsumi-chan. Until then, stay away from guys who read the book. Most of them are depraved perverts."

Natsumi nodded understandingly, then looked sympathetically at the two boys. "I see. So you're both depraved perv's then? "

Itachi choked on his own spit as his head shot up with a gob smack expression on his face. "Wait, what?!"

The redheaded young girl nodded sagely. "Yup, It's all clear to me now. You both are ero-hentai's. You even admitted it."

Naruto shrugged. "Well... That's true in a sense. But what I meant is that generally most guys who read the book are depraved perverts. Me and Itachi just read it to amuse ourselves."

Natsumi nodded, not really meaning it. "Right. And you expect me to believe that? Right, ero-bucket-hat?"

The blonde chuckled, amused at the girl's antics. He patted her head playfully, easily dodging her attempts to bite his hand. "Well, I dont expect you to understand something you haven't experienced yourself. Maybe someday when you're older and you've read Icha Icha books you will understand."

Natsumi growled at the blonde who dodged her attempts to stop him petting her. "Stop that, ero-bucket-hat!"

Naruto grinned and let off on teasing her.

Itachi rose an eyebrow amused. Naruto always did enjoy annoying other people with harmless actions. It almost seemed like he knew EXACTLY what to do wrong to piss someone off. He once even made Ibiki lose his cool enough to want to kill him after he chirped a comment on the man's choice of clothing. Apparently Morino Ibiki did NOT take kindly to people idly wondering whether or not he was into BDSM.

The raven haired teen was brought out of his thoughts when the waitress arrived with their orders. He smiled a sake induced smile at the petite woman and thanked her.

"Foods here. Whose saying grace?", he asked blandly, looking pointedly at Naruto and Natsumi.

Naruto froze for a moment, stopping his gorging on an entire bottle of sake and looked blankly at Itachi. "Mhuh?

Hmm... Nope. Naruto probably wasn't in any decent state of mind to say grace, he mused drunkenly. "What about you, Natsumi-san?"

The redhead's eyes widened to the size of dinner plates. "What? Grace? Me? B-but, mom usually says grace. I'm not good at it."

Itachi nodded understandingly.. Well, as much as someone in a drunken stupor can understand anyway. "Well.. In that case you will have to say grace, Naruto-kun."

Naruto frowned from where he sat, trying to drain the empty sake bottle of any more precious liquid by sticking his tongue inside the bottle. "Huh? Why me?"

The raven haired boy hiccupped. " 'Cause you've got a higher alchul tolerance n' me."

The blonde nodded understandingly. "It's okay Itachi-kun! I got it covered no problem-o."

Naruto took nearly a minute trying to fold his hands together properly before closing his eyes, Itachi and Natsumi following his example. He began his prayer loudly, so that Itachi(and probably everyone nearby) would hear clearly. Sometimes when drunk, Itachi liked to pretend he was deaf.

"Her mighty Kami-sama who doth be in the heavens above. I thank thee for this sub, below standard meal with which myself and my brother in all but blood may be able to retain our culinary skills. For hath the chef of this establishment not such grotesque skills in the fine art of the food, would myself and my brother not be able to make ye fine cuisine that we do. We also doth thank thee for blessing us with our tongue for the licking of the plate, so that we may be not wasteful. Thank ye, and amen."

He opened his eyes to see everyone in the small restaurant giving him odd looks, save Itachi who started eating his own food after a mumbled 'amen'. He shrugged, and helped himself to the dango he had ordered.

Itachi grunted, chewing on a spoonful of curry. "It tastes like bland sand.", he grumbled.

Naruto patted him consolingly. "Bear with it, Itachi-kun. It's only once or twice a month we need to eat horrible food."

The raven haired boy nodded understandingly. "I know, I know.. It's just that.." ,his eyes teared pitifully, "to be used to 'real' food, and then suddenly eat stuff this bland and uninteresting is kinda like-a kick n' the balls."

The blonde frowned, and shook his head. "I disagree. It's like have a flaming hot spike shoved up your ass. A kick in the balls would be eating the crap we made on the road without provisions back in the day. After all.. there's only SO much, salt and water can do in the way of flavor."

Itachi nodded his agreement. And took another scoop of curry, and forced it down his throat with all his might.

Natsumi stared oddly at the two enigmas before her. "Are you two some kinda food critics or something?"

Naruto huffed, feeling slightly insulted. "Us? 'Mere' food critics? Bah! We be great cooking Artisans, that we be!"

The blue eyed girl's lip twitched slightly. "Now that I think about it.. Whats with the weird way of speaking? Even when you were saying grace. That weird way of speaking."

Itachi grunted, forcing down another mouthful of the bland(to him anyway) curry. "It's called archaic. The tongue of the food gods. Or so we like to believe anyway."

The blonde bucket wearing teen nodded. "Yeah. And besides.. writing recipes down in archaic makes cooking seem more mystical and mysterious and stuff.", he said. Itachi nodded, agreeing with the blonde, a serious look on his drunken face.

Natsumi stared incredulously at the two friends before she started laughing at them. These two were such goofs! She couldn't believe that someone as goofy as the blonde and his friend would be able to stare a monster of a man into his eyes and make him run away in fear.

Getting to know these two interesting guys was definitely the highlight of her day.

"Hey Itachi-kun, pass the hot sauce, will ya? My food is getting real cold all of the sudden!"

"Sorry, Naruto-kun, it looks like these poor saps dont leave any out."

"WHAT?!"

==-------

"So what does your mother look like, Natsumi-san?" Itachi asked he young red haired girl whom they were helping look for her mother in the very crowded street.

Natsumi bit her lip worriedly. "She looks like an older me, only she has green eyes instead of blue. Why are there so many people here all of the sudden? I can barely see in the crowd."

Itachi shrugged lazily and pointed at all the glowing signs mounted to buildings. Most in the color of pink and like blue. Most of the signs read similar words. 'XXX' 'Girls, Girls, Girls!' 'etc.' "Considering that Otafuku Gai is the hub for brothels in all of fire country, you shouldn't really be that surprised that it would be this busy at night."

Natsumi pouted. Now how would she find her mother? They were only supposed to stay here for the night to rest before continuing on to Konoha. Her eyes widened comically when she felt two arms take hold of her sides. "Wha-"

She let out a yelp as she was lifted into the air. She stared at the new view granted to her. She could now see above everyone's heads. She looked down at the bucket hat her hands were resting on. "Huh?"

Naruto chuckled. "I figured you might have better luck finding your mother from my shoulders, Natsumi-chan. Besides, you're looking a bit tired there. I figure you could use a bit of rest.

The young girl looked indignant and tried her best to glare at the blonde grinning foxily upward at her, only to yawn sleepily. "Mmm.. Not tired..", she mumbled sleepily.

Before long Naruto and Itachi found themselves walking through the bustling crowds trying to locate an older version of Natsumi, while said girl slept peacefully on Naruto's back, her head burried in his nape between his blonde hair.

Itachi smirked when he saw this. "Cute kid.", he remarked, to which Naruto chuckled. "Indeed. Quite a handful. But in a sweet kind of way."

The raven haired boy stretched his back and let out a sigh. "So where's the thing you bought here that was supposedly a great 'boon' or something along those lines?"

The blonde quirked his lips. "We dropped it off at our hotel room before we started helping little Natsumi-chan here. Remember?"

Itachi frowned, and dug through his memory, trying to recall what the blonde had dropped off. They'd gone to their rooms, Naruto went in his own with his cane and came out again... Wait a minute.. His cane?

"The cane?" Itachi asked, surprised. "How is that supposed to be a 'great boon'?", he asked incredulously.

The blonde shrugged. "Mah, you're looking at my precious cane at face value, Itachi-kun. It's more than just a cane."

Itachi frowned thoughtfully. "It's probably got something hidden in it, right?"

The blonde's only response was to grin brightly, which in turn annoyed Itachi.

"Miserable cryptic bastard." He muttered, half irritated.

"Uh uh! Miserable ATTRACTIVE cryptic bastard, Itachi-kun!" The blonde corrected cheerfully.

Itachi slapped his palm to his face.

Natsumi snuggled deeper into the blonde's nape.

Naruto grinned smugly.

"-tsumi! Natsumi!? Where are you!?"

Both Itachi and Naruto stopped walking for a moment, and listened intently for where that voice came from.

"Natsumi!?"

There. In the crowd over there, the two made a beeline straight for the distraught sounding woman.

When they neared her, Itachi tapped the red headed woman's shoulder to get her attention. "Good evening, Natsumi-san's, mom-san. Did you by any chance lose a daughter? Did this daughter have long red hair, and could she by any chance pass off as a perfect clone of you, except being much younger and having a different eye color? Then WE may be able to help YOU."

Naruto rolled his eyes. Trust Itachi go into salesman mode whenever dealing with a situation like or similar to this. He liked to think the random vacations and trips he and Itachi took did enough for the guy's psyche and well being. But, seriously.. using his 'Itachi salesman's voice'(Copyright and Trademark) on a distraught woman whom had lost her daughter?.. He should hang out with Itachi more. The man was a genius!

The red headed woman looked confused for a moment, before she spotted Natsumi snuggled into Naruto's back. "Natsumi?!"

The blonde smiled gently and walked closer. "Hai. She's been looking frantically for you for quite some time since she got separated with you, ma'am. Looks like she fell asleep while we were looking for you."

Natsumi's mother let out a relieved sigh, wiping at tears that were ready to fall. She smiled gratefully at the two men and went to take Natsumi, but found the young girl was clinging to the blonde haired teenager pretty tightly. She blinked. "Uhm.."

Naruto shrugged. "Try waking her up?", he suggested.

The mother blinked and frowned for a moment, before a wide Cheshire grin broke out onto her face. She leaned closer to the young girl and whispered in a cooing voice. "Oh Natsuuuuumi-chan, It's time to get up! OH No!" ,she shouted all of the sudden, "Someone stole your ramen!!"

From where she clung on Naruto's back, Natsumi's eyes shot wide open with horror. "What?! Nooooooooooo!"

Natsumi's mother laughed at the pouting girl, while the girl glared sulkingly at her mother. "Yeah, yeah. Very funny, Mom."

Naruto shared an amused look with Itachi, and then cleared his throat getting the two redheads' attention. "As amusing as this is, I'm sure you'd like to get your daughter to bed, and get some sleep yourself ma'am. No offense, but you look even more exhausted than little Natsumi-chan here."

Natsumi's mother nodded thankfully, and surprised Naruto when she gave him a hug. "Thank you so much for finding my daughter for me. I was reluctant to even come here, but we needed a place to sleep for the night before heading out. She's all I have left in the world, and I'd be heartbroken if I were to lose her."

The young girl blushed embarrassed when her mother picked her up giving her a kiss on the head and started hounding her with questions concerning her health. "Mooooom.", she whined pitifully.

Itachi and Naruto chuckled at the byplay between mother and daughter. The raven haired boy sighed wistfully, missing teasing his own little brother already. He'd have to get little sasu-chan a present or something. Maybe some hair clips or a nice pink dress. His mother did always say she wanted a daughter. Sasuke was certainly enough of a momma's boy to be one. He smirked cruelly. Oh yes.. Sasuke would probably hate him for that.

Naruto smirked as he watched Itachi plot. Probably nothing good for whomever he was plotting about. He turned back to the reunited mother and daughter and cleared his throat. "Well, I'm glad you found your mother Natsumi-chan, and vice versa for you ma'am. But we'd best be on our way to our hotel. We still have a journey ahead of us, and we need our rest."

The mother nodded and smiled beautifully at the two teenagers. "Of course. I'm sorry for holding you up. Before you leave though, could I please know the names of the ones who helped me find my daughter?"

Itachi smirked as he adjusted his pink styled glasses. "Heh.. I'm Itachi, world's most annoying older brother. Speaking of which, i'll have to get sasu-chan a little present.."

Naruto chuckled at Itachi's introduction. "And I'm Naruto. Just your average half crazy, quarter sane guy."

Natsumi chose that moment to pipe up. "Hey, Naruto-niisan, what's the other quarter? You said you're half crazy and quarter sane, so what's the other quarter?"

The blonde rose an amused eyebrow, and chuckled cheerfully, too cheerfully at the young girl. "Oh that? I lost that quarter somewhere on the road of life. Well, we'd better get going, cya!"

Naruto and Itachi then walked off in the direction of their hotel, either not having noticed or not mentioning how Natsumi's mother had gone still when Naruto had told her his name.

The red headed woman blinked back memories of the past. 'He has the same name as him... It couldn't be?.. No.. I saw him die. Just wishful thinking again.. I'm being silly.'

She held her daughter tigher and walked off in the direction of their own hotel. "Cmon Natsumi-chan. Tomorrow is a new day. I want you to tell me all about what happened when I lost you, okay?"

"Kay!"

Back with Naruto and Itachi.

Itachi looked thoughtfully at his blonde friend, whom seemed a bit quieter than usual. "Something on your mind, Naruto-kun?"

The blonde shook his head, smiling at the raven haired boy. "Oh just wondering what I'm gunna get for Anko-chan for my part of the deal! Don'tcha know? If she's satisfied, not only do I get to see her wearing lingerie, but she also promised something 'special'!" He finished, giggling pervertedly.

Itachi chuckled, turning to look forward. 'Same old Naruto', he thought amused.

Naruto sighed softly when he knew Itachi wasn't looking anymore. And thought back to his meeting with Natsumi and her mother.

'You're finally coming home I see... Mother.. little Sister...'

==---

Aaaaand I'm cutting off over here. I don't want to make the pilot chapter for this TOOO damn long. Tell me what ya think will ya? This story concept came to me in a dream! (A daydream to be more accurate, but dreams are all the same, aren't they?)

Anyways, I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Review, will ya? It'll make it worth the sore fingers of typing all of this.


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